I wrote this post, deleted it, wrote it again, not sure that I wanted to share it but i'ts my blog and I'll do what I want damn it.
I don't care for Halloween.
It's not due to any religious reason, it should be due to the abundance of candy, but it is due to the fact that it is my friends birthday. The one who committed suicide 2 years ago. It's not his birthday that really upsets me. It's the fact that he did it four days before, which makes the whole week a little difficult.
It's hard for me to remember that even though my life is very different than it was then, I still need to get upset about it. If I don't, it just courses through my body and recycles itself into feelings of anxiety and nervousness. (My own personal theory)
Fact is that even though I've moved on with my life, I still think of him everyday and miss him terribly. Understand that I do not pine for him, nor am I still in love with him. I just really miss his presence on this earth. I am somewhat certain that we wouldn't have ended up together in the long run if he hadn't passed away. But then he should have met someone else and created a life with them, taking advantage of his talents and strengths.
He should just be here, even if it was not with me.
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