I hate disappointment. I also hate miscarriage.
Since they are the best of friends and seen together often, I've been reluctant to post about my possibly positive pregnancy test.
But lets back up a little.
When I got the diagnosis of "fucked up hormones", (that's a medical term) we decided to wait a few months before trying again. The first month went by without a hitch. How lovely to be free from all the trying to conceive stress. We were adament about staying safe. The next month.....not so much. I made sure we missed the day of ovulation and the day preceding and following it. I guess that wasn't good enough.
I hadn't even thought about testing. Until one side of me thought, what if I am, and it doesn't last because I didn't take those damn supplements? Another side thought, c'mon, they're 20 bucks a box, can we really afford to waste them if I'm not? I went with the precautious, hopeful side, broke down and bought one.
I was 7 dpo. (yes I'm back to abbreviations, it's just easier)
After taking it I dragged D outside.
"Right there.....don't you see it?"
"Babe, I don't think that's a line. It has no color."
"It wouldn't be that dark, it's really early!" I shreiked. "Here turn around so the sun's behind you..." and on it went, resulting in me freaking out and him patting me on the back with a look of pity.
I conceded, but still turned in my prescription to be filled.
Just in case.
While I was at the drug store, I purchased some more tests.
Just in case.
I retested tonight and it is definitely there. Faint and pale, pale, pale, pink. But there.
This could be nothing.
It could also be everything.
But erring on the side of nothing, there can be no joy about this.
NO congratulations are in order.
All I can do is eat right, take my supplements, and think positively.
And wait.
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