The road is no place for a breakdown

Another dinner with the family.
Another night of gazing at my beautiful nephew and wishing I had one just like him. You just can't not smile at him, he's so darn cute.
On the way home I fought the sadness that was creeping up on me until I found myself crying. Hard.
After a few miles I pulled myself together and shuffled into a convenience store. On the counter was one of those jars to support a little girl living with leukemia. Feeling like an asshole, I dropped a dollar in the jar, and walked out, sniffling.
Here I am, with so many things to be grateful for and because of this one thing I can't seem to have right now, I feel like an utter failure.
I guess what I want...is everything, and that may take some time. This situation has caused me to absolutely forget about what I have, to focus completely on what I don't.

What a weird place I'm finding myself in. Moody and sad, curious about religion and church and finding myself wanting to ask people where they go and why.

I have this tremendous urge to talk to God but I don't know how or what to say.

Comments

[Emily Sullivan]

Sorry you're feeling so down. But you are NOT a failure, something like this doesn't gauge your successes and failures. Maybe focus on something for you--a new goal. I don't know anything about anything, but I've heard that it's when you don't focus on it so, and let you body be, that the stress dissolves and it happens naturally, surprisingly. Again, I don't know squat, I just hate seeing you so down. Hope you feel better soon.
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