Good Tries

Whatayagonnado?

I go to gossip web sites to relax after a long day's work.
I know.
I'm sick.
But when I see movie stars complaining that they feel like a "baby factory" after giving birth to 3 healthy children in 6 years, I don't feel very relaxed. When I see knocked up 16 year old strarlets staring back at me it brings out a very bratty side of me. There's an annoying voice inside my head that whines, "No fair! She gets one?"

I don't like it.

Magic Bangs

Once upon a time I had the perfect bangs.

They were wispy, but not flyaways. Thick but not heavy. Modern without being edgy. They were perfect and in that brief moment of bangdom, my hair was perfect.
But that was a long time ago.
Though I have tried, numerous times to recapture the magic, it's just not possible.
What's annoying is that I just happened on those bangs quite accidentally. I had gotten my hair cut and colored and was considering trying out bangs for the first time in about 20 years but was scared. My hair-girl decided to meet me halfway and to avoid risking an unhappy customer she cut some long wispy bangs.
They were completely annoying.
Long enough to hang in my eyes but just short enough to fall out of a ponytail. One day I got so frustrated that I showed up at my salon and ordered my hair-girl to just do it, no matter the risk. She was between clients and seemed too busy to be apprehensive so she quickly cut some bangs and blew them dry while shooting apologetic looks to her waiting client.
In the rear view mirror on the way home I became smitten with my new look and almost ran over an elderly pedestrian while admiring my beautiful bangs.
And that feeling lasted a while. Then Summer hit, they got longer and we went our separate ways. I couldn't handle them anymore, it was time.
Since that time I've tried to get them back. I can't understand why they never look as good. I'm using the same tools, styling them the same way, where did the magic go?

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

"Enough with the self loathing" *

Maybe January isn't the time for reproducing. Maybe Spring is better...or maybe Fall...maybe in a year...

My point is - I can't live this way. Counting down the days until the next time we can try or working my schedule around ovulation just isn't working. I'm tired of worrying constantly about hidden dangers to a possible pregnancy. Just to prove my insanity, here's a list of things I've imagined could kill a developing fetus:
1. Proactive Face Wash - Anything that clears your face up that quickly has to got be poison (...a wonderful poison that makes you beautiful and in turn, makes people love you...)
2. The dog punching me in the groin
3. Smelling gas fumes
4. Smelling people fumes
5. Holding my laptop in my lap (which I feel not only is dangerous to a fetus, but probably cancerous as well)
6. Drinking water out of plastic containers
7. Standing in front of a microwave while it's on (my Nana said so)
8. Worrying constantly about possible unforeseen dangers to an imaginary pregnancy while trying not to turn to alcohol
9. Alcohol

I have got to relax and reading over my most recent posts, it seems that I have a few things I need to work out anyway. I've got a lot to keep me busy. First, I need to concentrate on getting healthy. Secondly, I need to enjoy the fact that it's just me and my wonderful husband right now. Thirdly, (thirdly?) I need to figure out what's up with me and Jesus. He's just alright with me and all but, is that enough?

I've got time to do this.

I just wonder...what the hell am I gonna write about?

* Laura Roges (AKA The Rodge)