My dear faithful readers (both of you):
It's been too long indeed.

Allow me to explain.
I recently came to a shocking conclusion, after much soul searching, that I do not want to have a baby.
Not now or any time soon.

Stay with me now.

It seems, somewhere along the way, I've gotten a little lost. My anxiety has taken over and I have let it affect my life. I used to be someone who thrived on my independence and now I'm someone who begs my husband not to run to the store because I'm scared to be in the house alone. My heart palpitations terrify me but are most likely caused by a combination of my anxiety and lack of exercise. However, every time I experience one I am certain I am dying. Certain of it. Completely sure that at the age of 27, I am about to die of a heart attack. Panic ensues, heart palpitations worsen... you get the idea. My weight ballooned to the heaviest I've ever been and my body has retorted by making me a hormonal bitch.
I was looking at pregnancy as a fix.
My inner dialogue went a little like this:
I don't need to focus on getting better mentally, I can focus on getting pregnant!
I don't need to lose weight, I'll just get pregnant!
I don't need to work on my marriage, I'll just get pregnant and we'll focus on that! Then the baby will be here and we won't have time to argue!
Not good.

I am simply not ready.
So even though this blog was created with the idea of documenting my experiences with miscarriage and my subsequent "good tries" I will no longer be focusing on pregnancy.
What will I be writing about?
Who the f*ck knows.
Stay tuned...

...both of you.