Hot pink disappointment

Well I really crapped out on my to-do list. Especially #4.

Two months later, and it's more of the same.
Two weeks ago I warned my husband to "be careful", as we're not trying to conceive right now.
He forgot.
9 days later I started testing and so begins the careful examinations of peed-on plastic. True to form, the faint positives appeared, but untrue to form, they actually got darker. And by 14 dpo that line was hot pink and very encouraging. I actually began thinking that this may just work out this time. I called my gyno to schedule a beta and a progesterone test (I've been taking suppositories).
As I waited to get my blood drawn yesterday I overheard two pregnant ladies complaining about not being able to smoke because it would mess up their blood test. Finally one of them stood up and waddled out, stating she didn't "give a shit" she needed a Newport.
It was truly enjoyable watching her enjoy a cig while I sat anxiously wondering if my umpteenth positive pregnancy test might actually result in a live baby. But I digress.

That night I got my period and cried for a good two hours into a well deserved glass of whiskey.
Today I got the results back from my pointless bloodwork.
Negative on the pregnancy jazz (duh) and my progesterone was a whopping 1.3. The nurse goes on to tell me that with numbers like that, it's pretty impossible that I ovulated at all this month, let alone got pregnant.
I tell her about the 6 positive tests I have and offer to show her. She says it would be very unlikely that I was ever pregnant and she has no clue what caused the positives. She also said that it looks as though 25 mg of progesterone are not enough for me but to prescribe more would entail a referral to a specialist which insurance may or may not cover.
A little googling let me know that unless I have a rare form of uterine cancer, or my pee cup was tainted with laundry soap, false positives are extremely rare. Especially from 3 different brands.
So there you go. It's my personal belief that it was another chemical but as time has proven, I don't know shit.

Thanks body. No more expensive organic fruit for you.

Comments

[Kristen]

I'm so sorry about the chemical. That nurse is an assbag. You don't get 6 evaps or false positives in a row. That is ridiculous.

Sending lots of hugs your way.

[Emily]

Jesus, I'm sorry. That sucks. Weird that it shows positive. They say that never happens. That happened to me once too. Obviously "they" are wrong.

It will happen. Apparently, not before really being a pain in the ass.